28 5 / 2013
"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that ‘til tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
26 5 / 2013
26 5 / 2013
28 4 / 2013
26 4 / 2013
11 4 / 2013
Feeling as if my life isn’t actually moving anywhere at this point in time. Stuck in a limbo and not sure how or when I’ll be able to get out.
21 1 / 2013
exhausted. im tired of your manipulative ways. its like you dont even care about us. or what we’ve helped you with. but no we’ve done nothing for you in the last few years isnt that right? i feel as this is the final straw. the relationship is irreparable. it’s hard to even look you in the eye any more. i once idolised you, and now i really dont see much but disappointment.
for now, trying to give my heart and soul peace, and i do this not for you, but for the little one and for those who have invested so much time, love and faith into you.
last chance. get your fucking act together.
17 1 / 2013
"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming."
31 12 / 2012
2012 is coming to an end. In twenty three hours another year will be gone. I keep telling myself years are going by so fast and I sometimes wish that time would just stand still just so that we could appreciate what we have for a little while longer.This year was good for me; so much has happened. It started off with some dramas and has ended with some pretty big issues. But even though the last month has been hard, in general I have had such a good year. And am hoping that 2013 will be even better. I have so many dreams and wishes but there’s no way for me to know what will happen so I just hope that it will be a good one.
2012 bought along some great memories, not just with friends but with family and external family. I think this year I became closer to many close friends family, to the point where I dont ever feel as if I’m intruding. countless nights spent at the hoe family dinner table will actually be best thing about this year. day and night we spent slaving away on assignments due the next morning, cups and cups of tea were drank and spilt, 7pm ritual masterchef dinner break, numerous gossip sessions, one attempted intervention, hours spent pretending to study but really watching glee, 4am singalongs. theses are some of the the memories i have of that wooden table that i spent more time at than anywhere else.
ive made new friends this year, and become better friends with others. i have many friends whom this year i have been able to rely and trust and hopefully they felt as if i reciprocated. friendship have definitely strengthen not only through dramas but just the ability to let them strengthen. there are people whom i never would have thought we’d be anything but acquaintances and now call some of my closest friends. im so grateful to my friends, old and new. they have given me so much life, laughter and happiness. they have also help me to make myself more open and available to all sorts of things. 2012 saw me willingly go out and maybe its the 21st that have been occurring, but ive had numerous nights at alumbra and love machine where i have drank to much, danced the night away and made some hilarious mistakes. stories that i look back on now, and although embarrassed i have so many stories that just make me laugh at my stupidness. this year was the year of the 21st - so i have a valid reason as to why i always was a drunk bitch. have to say a quick thank you to M&D for allowing me to have such a fantastic evening.
i also believe i achieved so much this year. i feel as if i did put myself out there a lot more this year, and have repped the benefits. one of my proudest achievements was completing my first 10km run in melbourne without stopping, and then following it up with a 14km run. the preparation that i undertook was so dedicated i dont know how or where it came from. it really showed to me that even though i felt like giving up sometimes, i just had to push through that little extra distance and i would on top of the moon. my heart is so happy with what ive achieved.
this year also saw a lot of adventures. both interstate and overseas. countless trips on the bus to and from banksia with kids on board. in the beast ive spent a lot of time in my car. seeing as there is no radio, ive been able to reflect a lot about myself and have a lot of time just in my thoughts. this is something that has both frustrated but also has become a space for me. also numerous planes that saw me bound to sydney, brisbane, vietnam, cambodia and hongkong. having the chance to embrace the different cultures and enjoy life.
2012 has been such a overall fantastic year and though generally upset saying goodbye, i just look forward to 2013. i already know that the first six months will be incredibly busy, and hard. whether or not its a good year for me, i can definitely say that it is going to be an interesting year. i look forward to what life has to offer. in the new year, there are many things that i would like to achieve, and still improve about myself. a couple of things that i’d like to aim towards is being a better person everyday. too smile more. too make the effort to help others. make sure that im being honest with myself and others. stop being so scared and just go for it. because there will not be another chance.
as the new year comes knocking at the door, make sure you embrace it with open arms. remember that not everything is set in stone, plans change. you just have to allow it to take its course and hope for the best. be your best. dont let anyone get in your way. life is so giving, take it while we can. so to all my friends and family thank you for be a constant in my life and giving my continuous love and support. i wish all of you, friends and family, much happiness and laughter. may all your dreams come true.
happy new year.
25 12 / 2012
15 11 / 2012
14km is fucking long. mentally and physically, it was tough. em came over in the morning, and found me lying in bed. she climbed in and while we lay there, all we could think was “what the fuck are we doing?” “why the fuck did we willingly sign up to run 14km?”. i hadn’t run since the melbourne marathon 10km for more than 20mins (and that was just on the treadmill), after 2 weeks of eating badly and not exercising properly cos of exams, i definitely was not feeling this run. paul drove us in and we picked up josie on the way. was pretty scatty when waiting at the start line, took our obligatory pics and when 8:30 rolled around was gearing myself up to run. first 5kms went like a flash. was feeling good, set a good pace for myself, had some great tunes. hit 7kms, where we started running around albert park lake. this was cruel. it was hot, i was sweating balls by this stage. there wasnt any shade whatsoever, the sun was just beaming down on us like a laser and i could feel myself just burning, which i just dont. the next 2km were completed not with ease but when i saw the 9km, i wasnt in the best mental place. was keen on stopping to walk but managed to just tell myself not yet. from 10km onwards became hell. each km was so far. my feet were forming blisters, my right arm was losing circulation, and somehow managaed to get chaffing on my arm. everything was painful. there were times when the wind was keeping me cool, and then we turned around corners, it felt like i was running right into it which didn’t help me at all. no songs were bring me any motivation and i could only just tell myself to keep one foot moving in front of the other. a few times when run down beaconsfield pde i was so keen on just cutting the circuit short and just pretending i was some awesome runner who just finished it within x amount of time but my pride got in the way haha. anyway, managed to cross the finish line without stopping, i had so much lactic acid in my legs when i stopped running thought i was legit about to pass out from dehyrdation & exhaustion. tiredly grabbed my medal and stumbled around trying to find em, luce, mils and josie. after having lunch, was so exhuasted but had to work for 6hours. that was seriously the worst decision i ever made. was on my feet all night. did not enjoy walking back and forth with customers.
can say that i am proud of all our efforts. it was a tough run. but it was worth it. today ive been wincing everytime i move, stairs have been an ultimate nightmare, especially walking down. my whole body is screaming at me. but my heart is so proud of my achievement that each burn i tell myself that it was worth it (even tho im sulking like a bitch) haha.
dream team (minus mel) and include a few more, we rock. but im going to be a hiatus on the 21km for now. give me time to recover and mentally prepare myself for the pain you will inflict on me.