I never thought I could run 5km, let alone 21.1km.
I can’t believe that I can actually say that I’ve done a half marathon.
Never in my wildest thoughts did I ever think that at the age of 21 (almost 22), that I would tick off run a half marathon.
I know I’ve always been sports inclined, but I’ve never enjoyed running, and to be honest; I still don’t.
But after letting the July, Run Melbourne slip by without challenging myself, I allowed myself to be convinced into being one of the thousands of runners who participate in Melbourne Marathorn.
I joined up with 12 weeks to train. I did nothing and only started training at 6 weeks, even so, it wasn’t at the intensity I should have been training.
I was counting down the days. People were reminding me. I was still not actively doing anything.
I started to freak and realised shit, I have 4 weeks and I still haven’t run more than 5kms in the last 11months, how the fuck am I going to run 21km?
One week of intense training, after playing netball with friends, I felt my knee give out. Yeah it’d been giving me some trouble over last few months, but I just ignored it. This one I couldn’t.
My knee ached constantly. Standing, sitting, lying; it was consistently hurting. It would buckle and give out at random times. I couldn’t run on it. Doctor said ACL wasn’t looking too good. I hadn’t torn it but there serious swelling and damage to it. 3 weeks to go. My mind thought “I’m actually fucked.”
In that same week, after giving myself a few days to rest, another injury occurred on a 8km run. This time, it was my left foot. Never have I felt so much pain. The shoes I bought specifically for my run was not properly fitted and was doing some serious damage to my arches. Shoes make or break you. Legit.
After physio and myotheraphy sessions (not sure if Im so keen on the latter..) to my knees and foot, and refitting to new shoes, I was told that I could run.
Literally petrified of the pain that I could come, I didn’t push myself to get out there and run. The longest run since November 2012, when I ran city2sea was 10km a week before.
Saturday night before, I was freaking out. Having to drive to a 21st over 25km away after work didn’t help easy my stress. Got home at 11:30pm, and made sure playlist was ready to go. Had all my glucose gels, had my running belt, bib was ready to rock, clothes all lined out, strapped knees and foot up, I was prepared.
I couldn’t shut my mind off though. Mentally visualising the route. The pain in my body that would come, the shortness of breath, the mental fatigue that would occur. It wouldn’t stop.
That went on for a while. I watched motivational clips, Arnie and Muhammad Ali were great, but couldn’t help ease the pressure. Until I stopped myself and said, fuck it. You know what, you have put so much into this bloody run that you don’t even want to fucking do. You are one of thousands of people who have pushed themselves already to do something different. There is no shame in having to stop because you’re tired because you are lapping every single person that is still sleeping in their comfy beds on a Sunday morning. Run for as long as you can, and to your best ability.
4 hours sleep.
I remember myself standing at the start line. Heaps of people all around us buzzing, I was nervous. Luce and I just really quiet. We just looked at each other and thought what the fuck did we get ourselves into? With one final fist pump, we said goodluck and made our way.
I got bored 5kms in. Mentally I was already tired. I was listening to music and trying to just pass time but I just told myself, whatever just keep moving your legs. I ran with people, who had no Idea I was running with them. I couldn’t keep up with some, and ran ahead of others who pissed me off. At 10kms, I was running slowly, and this was already more than I expected to run. Glucose gel pumped me up real good. I just told myself, you can walk at the next km, then the next km. Then it got to 15kms, and I could tell I was on my final stretch. My knees were aching, I could feel a blister on my foot, I was hungry and had a stitch at the same time. But I imagined the last 6kms; I could see that finish line. I imagined that the people on the streets were cheering for me… and not the loved one that they were actually there for. I laughed when I saw people actually holding signs saying “Ryan Goslings at the finish line waiting for you…”.
My pace picked up in the last 2kms, I could feel it. Whilst people stopped to walk up the bridge, I knew that once I stopped there I wouldn’t resume, so whilst the burn hurt going up, it felt fucking good going down.
There is nothing better than seeing the MCG and the finish line and knowing that you’ve just run a half marathon. Everyone looked like they were a hundred years old. My body felt like it was well over 100 years old when I stopped. I could hardly move. Every step after hurt. But it was worth it.
I’m happy that I did it, I ran the whole 21.2km in 2hrs 19mins.
Whilst I would have liked to have gotten close to the 2hour mark, but I shouldn’t complain. I felt that I was running at a pace that my body was happy to be pushed. Any harder, and I don’t think that I would have been able to complete the whole thing without stopping. I invested so much time, money and myself into this run, I was going to finish it.
The human body is amazing. We are able to achieve so much through mental strength even if our bodies are not at our physically best. The challenges we face on a daily basis can make us grow stronger and see that we are able to push the boundaries and rise up above.
The people you surround yourself also make such a difference. I wouldn’t have ever done this run with Luce. I wouldn’t have been able to run 5km if it weren’t for my trainer. I wouldn’t have even thought it was possible without the support of my friends.
Who knows, maybe next years post will be “What teh Fuck, did I really just run a Marathon?”
To conclude, ask yourself, “What can I do to be become a better, stronger person”?
may you find eternal peace wherever you may be. thank you for all the love you shared. you constantly took the time to ask questions about my life and made me feel apart of your family. we miss you and your craziness, but are so glad that youre no longer in pain. i promise to look after your girls and keep them in line. much love aunty. xx
I know I should be happy. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, but cant help but just feel like nothing in my life is going according to plan.
I feel like I’m running along side a train that has just taken off, my arms are outstretched trying to take a leap but I’m being held back by all theses bags weighing me down. I’m still able to just kept up with the train but instead of leaping onto the platform; I’m hesitating because I don’t know where the trains taking me. I see friends waving frantically from the inside, encouraging me on, or other friends who were running along side with me, easily step onto the train.
I’m worried, heart palpitation-worried, that I’m missing out on so much of what I have to give because of my baggage and hesitation.
But I can’t see any way to relieve this anxiety. Not for a while.
There are no words to describe this incredibly inspiring and heartful speach that a 13 year old girl gave to the United Nations. If you care about our planet, please SHARE THIS with the people you care about ~ together we can change the world!
Old video - but message still needs to be heard loud and clear.
“A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that ‘til tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.”—Meredith Grey
exhausted. im tired of your manipulative ways. its like you dont even care about us. or what we’ve helped you with. but no we’ve done nothing for you in the last few years isnt that right? i feel as this is the final straw. the relationship is irreparable. it’s hard to even look you in the eye any more. i once idolised you, and now i really dont see much but disappointment.
for now, trying to give my heart and soul peace, and i do this not for you, but for the little one and for those who have invested so much time, love and faith into you.
“An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.”—Unknown
2012 is coming to an end. In twenty three hours another year will be gone. I keep telling myself years are going by so fast and I sometimes wish that time would just stand still just so that we could appreciate what we have for a little while longer.This year was good for me; so much has happened. It started off with some dramas and has ended with some pretty big issues. But even though the last month has been hard, in general I have had such a good year. And am hoping that 2013 will be even better. I have so many dreams and wishes but there’s no way for me to know what will happen so I just hope that it will be a good one.
2012 bought along some great memories, not just with friends but with family and external family. I think this year I became closer to many close friends family, to the point where I dont ever feel as if I’m intruding. countless nights spent at the hoe family dinner table will actually be best thing about this year. day and night we spent slaving away on assignments due the next morning, cups and cups of tea were drank and spilt, 7pm ritual masterchef dinner break, numerous gossip sessions, one attempted intervention, hours spent pretending to study but really watching glee, 4am singalongs. theses are some of the the memories i have of that wooden table that i spent more time at than anywhere else.
ive made new friends this year, and become better friends with others. i have many friends whom this year i have been able to rely and trust and hopefully they felt as if i reciprocated. friendship have definitely strengthen not only through dramas but just the ability to let them strengthen. there are people whom i never would have thought we’d be anything but acquaintances and now call some of my closest friends. im so grateful to my friends, old and new. they have given me so much life, laughter and happiness. they have also help me to make myself more open and available to all sorts of things. 2012 saw me willingly go out and maybe its the 21st that have been occurring, but ive had numerous nights at alumbra and love machine where i have drank to much, danced the night away and made some hilarious mistakes. stories that i look back on now, and although embarrassed i have so many stories that just make me laugh at my stupidness. this year was the year of the 21st - so i have a valid reason as to why i always was a drunk bitch. have to say a quick thank you to M&D for allowing me to have such a fantastic evening.
i also believe i achieved so much this year. i feel as if i did put myself out there a lot more this year, and have repped the benefits. one of my proudest achievements was completing my first 10km run in melbourne without stopping, and then following it up with a 14km run. the preparation that i undertook was so dedicated i dont know how or where it came from. it really showed to me that even though i felt like giving up sometimes, i just had to push through that little extra distance and i would on top of the moon. my heart is so happy with what ive achieved.
this year also saw a lot of adventures. both interstate and overseas. countless trips on the bus to and from banksia with kids on board. in the beast ive spent a lot of time in my car. seeing as there is no radio, ive been able to reflect a lot about myself and have a lot of time just in my thoughts. this is something that has both frustrated but also has become a space for me. also numerous planes that saw me bound to sydney, brisbane, vietnam, cambodia and hongkong. having the chance to embrace the different cultures and enjoy life.
2012 has been such a overall fantastic year and though generally upset saying goodbye, i just look forward to 2013. i already know that the first six months will be incredibly busy, and hard. whether or not its a good year for me, i can definitely say that it is going to be an interesting year. i look forward to what life has to offer. in the new year, there are many things that i would like to achieve, and still improve about myself. a couple of things that i’d like to aim towards is being a better person everyday. too smile more. too make the effort to help others. make sure that im being honest with myself and others. stop being so scared and just go for it. because there will not be another chance.
as the new year comes knocking at the door, make sure you embrace it with open arms. remember that not everything is set in stone, plans change. you just have to allow it to take its course and hope for the best. be your best. dont let anyone get in your way. life is so giving, take it while we can. so to all my friends and family thank you for be a constant in my life and giving my continuous love and support. i wish all of you, friends and family, much happiness and laughter. may all your dreams come true.
if someone told me a week ago i could run 14km, i wouldn't have believed them.
14km is fucking long. mentally and physically, it was tough. em came over in the morning, and found me lying in bed. she climbed in and while we lay there, all we could think was “what the fuck are we doing?” “why the fuck did we willingly sign up to run 14km?”. i hadn’t run since the melbourne marathon 10km for more than 20mins (and that was just on the treadmill), after 2 weeks of eating badly and not exercising properly cos of exams, i definitely was not feeling this run. paul drove us in and we picked up josie on the way. was pretty scatty when waiting at the start line, took our obligatory pics
and when 8:30 rolled around was gearing myself up to run. first 5kms went like a flash. was feeling good, set a good pace for myself, had some great tunes. hit 7kms, where we started running around albert park lake. this was cruel. it was hot, i was sweating balls by this stage. there wasnt any shade whatsoever, the sun was just beaming down on us like a laser and i could feel myself just burning, which i just dont. the next 2km were completed not with ease but when i saw the 9km, i wasnt in the best mental place. was keen on stopping to walk but managed to just tell myself not yet. from 10km onwards became hell. each km was so far. my feet were forming blisters, my right arm was losing circulation, and somehow managaed to get chaffing on my arm. everything was painful. there were times when the wind was keeping me cool, and then we turned around corners, it felt like i was running right into it which didn’t help me at all. no songs were bring me any motivation and i could only just tell myself to keep one foot moving in front of the other. a few times when run down beaconsfield pde i was so keen on just cutting the circuit short and just pretending i was some awesome runner who just finished it within x amount of time but my pride got in the way haha. anyway, managed to cross the finish line without stopping, i had so much lactic acid in my legs when i stopped running thought i was legit about to pass out from dehyrdation & exhaustion. tiredly grabbed my medal and stumbled around trying to find em, luce, mils and josie. after having lunch, was so exhuasted but had to work for 6hours. that was seriously the worst decision i ever made. was on my feet all night. did not enjoy walking back and forth with customers.
can say that i am proud of all our efforts. it was a tough run. but it was worth it. today ive been wincing everytime i move, stairs have been an ultimate nightmare, especially walking down. my whole body is screaming at me. but my heart is so proud of my achievement that each burn i tell myself that it was worth it (even tho im sulking like a bitch) haha.
dream team (minus mel) and include a few more, we rock. but im going to be a hiatus on the 21km for now. give me time to recover and mentally prepare myself for the pain you will inflict on me.
if i pass today (which is still highly unlikely) it’s all cos of andy. pretty much taught me physiology 101 tonight. still pretty screwed, but better than what i’d be if andy wasnt around, managed to prevent me from having massive breakdown. he’s gonna make the best doctor. so proud of him!
been at swinburne library for over 12+ hours, leaving only twice for lunch and dinner. pretty productive from 5pm onwards when i realised how absolutely fucked i was. but today, taught myself 10 weeks of lecture notes in the 12hours…by writing it all out. now my hand is artharitis is playing up and im starting to see shit. getting ready to drink my sorrows away on thursday night! .. but really.
I have now come to the realisation that drinking until I die was not a good move on pre-birthday- day. If anything, do on actual birthday night! Didn’t think it through, had too much white wine, tequila and a whole of something else that just ended with my demise. However, drinking with the girls at Sus’ birthday pres, catching up with both of my MLC crews was highly entertaining .. and awkward. Seriously, who let Lou make us try and feed each other cake? That was just plain fucking weird. Haha. Took Sus, Alex and Dani to Love Machine to experience their first asian clubbing experience, and it was epic fun. Jealous guy I met at club, Alvin? Allen? To be honest, I just nodded when he said, cos look one working ear in a nightclub just doesnt go down well, anyway that guy, not so much fun. Andy Ho, coming to celebrate ensured a lot of laughs. As did the table top-dancing, that I wish to have eliminated from memory…but with photographic evidence, it doesnt look like I’ll be forgetting anytime soon. 4am came and I stumbled way home to do some taticals before bed..woke up at 10am feeling goood. Like a boss. Made our way to Pour Kids in Malvern, only to have to wait for over 30mins for a table for 9. Boss feeling was diminishing Tactical was a fail, however food was amazing. Hashbrown with chorizo, and something else. Heaven. Couldnt finish it. By the end of breakfast, I was full struggling. Be, was not too excited to have me in her car, but I held on. Laughing that all the songs that played was reflecting how I felt and the situation I was in. Got home to finally get to open Weinlich present. He’s a star. Pass the parcel style of wrapping. It was fun ripping into the boxes to find a Bombers jersey - Essendon Premiers 2013! - then I crashed. Sorry to Crowls & Sus & Dani & Joyce. Fell asleep until had to wake up to get ready for dinner at Rockpool. Absolutely shattereed that I couldnt full enjoy my meal there. I love Rockpool, and didnt even get to have a sip of the Bourdeux Cab Sav. Throughout dinner, had to just make trips to the bathroom because I was just feeling so naseous. Mum was hilarious and thought I had a stomach ache, which I definitely ran with. Steak was beautiful though, only thing I could stomach and actually enjoy. And that was a wrap to my stupidly hungover 21st birthday. I had fun regardless.Crowley bought me flowers, Joyce made this amazing looking cake, Dani bought over balloons. Sus bought me a gorgeous George Jensen 2012 Artist Collection necklace, Aunty Lana gave me a red packet and Caro & Mikey bought me a Bvlgari Save the Children ring. It is a day I’ll definitely wont forget anytime soon, thank you to all who came to celebrate with Paul and I. You guys are the reason why I have a smile on my face even though I’m writing this at a ridiculous hour.
Saying goodbye to alcohol… until November 30th. Smashing it big time that night. *Making sure taticals actually work this time too!*
In mid august, I signed up for the 10kms and wasn’t sure if I’d survive… Well after 2months of pretty persistent training, I finished the 10kms without stopping in an hr (give or take a few mins). Before signing up 2months ago, there was no way that I would’ve willingly trained every day for this race. During the last 8 weeks, I’ve forced myself out of bed at 6am to go for runs, made post-run protein smoothies - which taste fucking foul, cut back on all the bad foods, routed tracks on mapmyrun, prepared intensely with Ashley (personal trainer), organised run dates with dream team - that rarely occurred.. did fartlek training which actually made me want to die after each minute. I’ve injured myself but still ran with busted ankles, sore knees and shin splints. Every run was dreaded. Well all of the this, lead up to today’s race, and can say it was a good solid run. The excitement from all the other 30,000 entries was contagious and pushed me to keep moving and get to the finish line. I’m really happy that I was able to finish it, and I’m pretty content with my times, by no means am I fast, but I know that just last week I was running 6.30m/km and today I ran 6.04m/km .=) So I’m happy with my small improvements..
Massive thanks to Em Be for constantly providing me with so much inspiration and moral support. wouldn’t have signed up or been able to complete it without you. And to Dream team, we are going to reach those goals…we just got to get together first haha.
10km Melbourne Marathon crossed off the bucket list. before the run
after the run, digging into our well deserved brunch at porgies & mr jones
“Of course you have study but you also have to have the drive and passion to strive forward. For some of you already have this but for others you still need to find that passion, that muse to keep you going. Don’t stress if it doesn’t come to you immediately, it will down the track. All I’m saying is, once you find that one thing, hold onto it and never let it go. Always remember all the good memories you make here..because one day you’ll back on your days and be glad for everything that has happened. All the hurt, all the wins, everything you experience will make you realise that you’re capable of anything.”—FF
monday - wednesday
sus and i decided that we wanted to get away and just go somewhere for a few days so we planned with jessy, jas and mel to have a girls trip down to her property in flinders over the midsem break. sus drove me down, and mel followed behind us in her car because she wasnt going to stay for the whole time cos of work. we went shopping for food and wine (before i got picked up, i went with caro to vic street to help her with her groceries, and she was super nice and bought us all these fruits and pork buns - sick tits! Sus thought it was major cute because it was like she was preparing for her kid lol).
i love her place in flinders, it actually looks like a scene out of pride and prejudice. the plan was just to relax, especially after the last week where i got fucking killed by assignments. awkwardly got down there and set up the ps3 to realise that i had forgotten the bloody controllers which meant that we couldn’t watch any movies at all.. so Sus called up Alex (bf) and he was more than willing to come down with his ps3 controllers. soooo nice. we said that he should stay, i mean, it would be so rude if he just dropped off the controllers and then us tell him to just piss off. the first night literally consisted of us eating fish and chips, drinking cider and g&t, playing “scatagories”, watching v for vendetta (well they watched while i passed out literally from the start) and playing random ps3 games. we passed out at lik 2/3am and everyone but me woke up late the next day. Was up at like 8:30am just sitting in my room waiting for someone to get up, by 9:30, I’d had enough and went outside to play boxing on the PS3, which is what Sus and Jessy woke up and found me doing. Sus and I cooked brunch (eggs and bacon) for everyone and because I had made sure that we had all the ingredients also made white choc-chip scones. jessy, jess and alex definitely were loving life. we played some more games on the ps3 before jessy and jess had to head back to melbs.. then after having a shower, Sus, Alex and I took Yogi on a massive beach walk. Major third wheeeeler. but forever alone so getting used to playing the third wheeler. hahaha. Nah it was super nice day to go for a walk. we walked for ages on the beach, and really appreciated the weather and just being relaxed. Alex was talking to me about everything in relation to hiking, to egyptology and so on, not going to lie, sometime i just nodded or said “oh yeah” but i had no idea what he was saying because id tuned out…sozzle bozzle. Anyway got back to the house and I decided to give them so alone time and went for a walk around her property. Grabbed some firewood and kindling..looked like some bushmen coming back in my boots and holding a staff like Gandalf. Tried to climb bollards in my jeans, and ended up bloody ripping them. so awks. Then we all made dinner which was Spag Bologense (hells yeahh), drank red wine ate cheesecake that Caroline had bought. After that, the three of us had major COD wars against each other, actually got shit naseous trying to keep up with what was going out but pretty funny how we all got really into it. Ended the night by watching Dark Knight before passing out.
Woke up early again, and went out side and sat on her sunbed reading while waiting for them to get up. Then made white choc-chip pancakes for breaky, and we ate it outside. fucking good weather. Sus and I stripped to tan whilst Alex went exploring. He was gone for ages, and then found him climbing a tree. Was not going to let him have all the fun so followed after him to Sus’ horror. Haven’t climbed a tree since summer 09’ .. missed the adrenaline that I get! Alex coxed us into exploring Sus’ property cos she has never seen much, and i lead..pretty much just went into every thick bush that i could find. Stupidly wore shorts, so have all these scars up and down my legs from the saw grass that i lead us through. heyyy sexy..We chilled for a couple more hours watching movies and eating before heading back to Melb.
Love spending time with Sus, even if its with the boyf and i love being down at her property, its actually one of the most tranquil places because there is literally no distributions at all. Had a really good couple days of just eating, drinking and doing a whole lot of nothings.
crowley and i decided to go on a little impromptu “holiday” up to Brisbane to catch some sun and participate in a physical activity study where it was estimating my bone, muscle & fat mass as well as fitness level.. so went up on sunday, and spent all day at dream world & white water world ( had no idea there was two water theme parks). crowley and i tried out all the water rides, well she chickened out of the “wedgie” which is when youre standing vertical and the floor below you just vanishes and you fall down the slide and get a wedgie. haha so much fun!! we’d tanned throughout the rides, and were just enjoying the sun. when the water theme park closed, we moved over to dreamworld, we only had an hour so we literally ran around taking photos. i tried to convince crowley to go on the giant drop, which is 119m tall and you drop at 135kmph, but she wasnt having a go. went also on the buzzsaw, which was pretty epic ride. i was laughing through out the whole ride because the girl infront was actually shittting herself! only thing crowley went to was laser tag, which was shiiittt! really boring but we killed it though, fucking cia agents in disguise!
the next couple days was just chilling and completing the study. it was good to get away for a couple days. we stayed with meri, who was conducting the study, and man they go to bed early. they;d be complaining at 8:30 that it was so late and go to bed, and they would get up at 5:30am to go for runs. the shittt? but her housemates were really cool. decided that crowley and i would be awesome housemates!
this was due to the fact that i came back from brisbane and left my 2000 word research assignment to the very last day. i literally couldnt form the words to write it. all nighters were pulled. i had 3 hours sleep OVER 4 days…to this very moment, my head hurts trying to work out how many hours i was awake. i’ve given up trying to work it out. big thanks to ho for staying up with me and encouraging me to finish my assignment, especially when my word doc decided to die on me after I’d written half the assignment. i literally got to the point where i was so exhausted, that I couldn’t keep my eyes open and was actually writing gibberish in my essay. anything that came into my head was put into my essay..would have been hilarious if i’d submitted it! haha. so now i’m making up for lost sleep with heaps of naps… can’t complain tooo much i guesss.
I don’t think I will ever learn my lesson. Currently trying to push out a 2000 word essay (who am I kidding, with the 10% give or take rule, I’m trying to get 1800 words) and for the last fucking 12 hours, I have only managed to get 300 words. Gah. Seriously feel like as the years gone by, I’m not getting any better at Uni work or essays but even worse. Motivation for Uni is significantly low. Just another four more years until I actually graduate with something decent to my name… Yay.
Why couldn’t I be just gifted with words? Life would just be so much easier.